Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
