sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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