Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
