it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
