haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Welp...herpes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
