My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
