Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
