I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
