I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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