Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
