Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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