She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
