So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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