Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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