so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize