I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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