U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
