fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
