So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
