it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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