Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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