omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
