My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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