Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
