Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
