but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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