So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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