i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
