You just made me feel so damn special
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
