I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Someone signed my nipple.
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