Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
