A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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