if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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