Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
