I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
