Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
