i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize