if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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