dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
