her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
