Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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