ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize