Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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