really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
