I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
