Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
