I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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