i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
