Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
