half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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