Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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