Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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