I will die if light touches me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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