i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
