Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
