It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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