Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Floor bacon is actually really good
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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