the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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