mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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