the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
