do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
