Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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