at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
