do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
