Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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