Umm I'm too high to move.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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