Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize