I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
